I Found A Rope... I Think

• A couple of months ago (give or take a year, who knows) a Facebook friend posted a quote that resonates in my brain almost daily: "I'm so busy I don't know if I found a rope or lost my horse." This is SO me. While I'd love to say that my chronic confusion is a product of my uber busy agenda... NOPE, it's mostly caused by the chaos that reigns supreme in that brain of mine. (Hence the title of this blog.) I'd bet money that if any horses are reading this, they are thanking their lucky stars that I don't own a ranch and they don't live on it. I'm guessing there would be a lot of ropes just lying around. All of that rambling just to preface the following: I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WRITE A FULL POST IN ALMOST TWO WEEKS SO THE CRAP IN MY BRAIN IS REALLY BACKING UP AND THIS POST IS GOING TO CONTAIN MORE RAMBLING, possibly incoherently, ABOUT ALL OF THOSE UNFINISHED THOUGHTS THAT ARE NOW RENDERING ME LESS EFFECTIVE. (Really, this is one of those moments when I hope no one is actively following or subscribing to this blog, because I can already tell it's going to be a hot mess. That's o.k. This is my diary, my therapy. It costs me nothing except the judgement from others. Go ahead, I'm rather used to it.)

• First, let's back track a little so I can get my bearings.  The last time I posted I was having an emotional break down because my oldest is only six months away from starting high school. Sadly, that grieving process lasted longer than I'd like to admit. I'm sure to revisit those feelings in the months ahead, so let's move on. 

• For the record, (to all my family and friends who don't "do" Facebook), we never received that second chance at a winter wonderland as promised by almost every meteorologist in this country. Our neck of the woods received even less wintry precip than the time before when I was able to capture my kids providing comic relief. Which is sad because my hubby was prepared and built our kids this sled so we could forgo the plastic & cardboard boxes. We did find a way to let them try it out, but it wasn't anything worthy of a full fledged fancy video.

•  Last week, I started writing a really funny post that revolved around potty training my 2 1/2 year old daughter. I was going to state the obvious; that after successfully housebreaking two boys it was a completely different game trying to get the same results from the opposite sex. The entire process had me thinking about the fact that no where in any of those damn baby books I read did it ever tell me that once I became a mother, most of my existence would revolve around my children's bodily functions (mostly poop). In the last fourteen years of mommy-hood, I have dealt with & talked about poop more than I ever imagined I would have in my entire life. Then, THAT train of thought crashed right into the mystery of why children freak out when their mom needs to potty or bathe. I'll confess, I can remember wiggling my own tiny fingers under my parent's bathroom door, once upon a time. I'm even guilty of slipping notes to my mom while she tried to have a moment of privacy. (As if she were some cast away on a deserted island and I'd never see her again. At least she would have my letter to remember me by if she couldn't find her way across that threshold and back to us.) For the life of me, I can't explain the driving force behind my actions, so I don't even try to understand why my kids react as if I'm running away or about to fall into an endless abyss every time I close that restroom door. I simply accept it, kind of like gravity, it's just pointless to fight it.

• Oh, I started to write a post about sibling rivalry... more poignantly
  about my two boys and THEIR sibling rivalry.  I'll have to revisit that topic at a later date, when I'm not tempted to document my out of the box solutions that I conjure up in my head. After all, there's no need to get CPS involved in the matter.

• Then there was the broken tooth saga...MY broken tooth. It hurt. A lot. It happened over the weekend so my lovely dentist prescribed me antibiotics and pain meds to get me through. God bless him. That was an unexpected mini vacation to a floating cloud somewhere between here & semi-consciousness. Thank goodness I didn't decide to sit down in front of the computer this weekend. Woo Hoo!

• The rest of my time away has been filled with just "STUFF".  I'm sure it was important mommy & wife "stuff", but I'm accustomed to everyone being tucked away into their own corners by 10:30pm so I can have my alone time. The time when I rid the DVR of MY shows (my reward for watching Sesame Street, Caillou & Curious George marathons all day). The time when I get to put my thoughts down on screen so they don't keep running on replay through my head. The time I spend freaking myself out by making To-Do lists... for the next four years. I really don't ask a lot from my family, most of the time. I just need the hours between 11pm - 2am to myself so I can recharge & be selfish.  

• Now, I'm off to finalize my checklist for the Valentine's Day surprise I'm planning for the hubster. I'm sure that will be my next post... my revelation about the joy of giving with out expecting anything in return. OR, you never know, I guess it all depends on how the evening turns out. If things go awry, at least I can put that rope I found to good use. I'm resourceful that way.